Amazing! Just the way I am!

August 6, 2011 § Leave a comment

“When I see my face, there is not a thing that I would change, because I’m amazing just the way I am. And when I smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while because I am amazing, just the way I am!” ~Bruno Mars (with my spin).

This weight loss journey is just as much for my spiritual health as it is for my physical help. Some days, I look in the mirror and say horrible things to myself. “You’re too fat,” “you’re too dark,” your breast are too large,” and a host of other “you’re too this or that.” On those bad days, I tell myself these flaws are the reason I am single. Then there are other days, good days. Days when I love my dark skin because I rarely have a blemish. Days that I enjoy the way my hips fill out a pair of jeans. Days that I love that my cleavage puts every other woman in the room in envy.  Those are really good days!

I’ve decided the good days should outweigh the bad days. I have taken to writing little inspirations on my bathroom mirror. Every morning, I make me tell myself “I love my . . . because . . .”  I don’t allow myself to leave the bathroom until I come up with something.  Standing in the mirror left to my own criticism and praise can be very challenging, but it is catapulting me to the land of self acceptance.  And what can be better than learning to love yourself.

BTW, I am down 8 pounds since the beginning of July. Jennifer Hudson, watch out!

My name is . . . and I am OBESE!

July 27, 2011 § 1 Comment

Your past does not equal, nor does it dictate, your future ~ Unknown

Today, I made a life changing decision. I decided to commit to become healthy, and fit for the long haul. In addition to my regular 3 day, 60 minute a day workout routine, I have now joined Weight Watchers.

I stepped on the scale for my initial weigh in. 224.5 lbs. How did I get here? I remember when I would get damn near suicidal over the thought of being over 200 lbs, and now . . . well, 200 sounds great!

I have never really had a problem with fitness.  As long as I could afford the gym, and had the time to go, I was golden. Of course, I spent the last 25 years in a state of poverty, and the last 3 of those were clogged with all manner of things law school. Needless to say, the stress, poor eating habits, and lack of movement caught up to me.  Now, my BMI classification is OBESE. Lawd, why me. Overweight I can deal with, but obese . . . come on!!

Speaking of the Lord, I know that his desire is for his children to have long, happy and healthy lives.  The old saying that “God helps those who help themselves” is as true in this situation as any other. That being said, this is HIS temple, and it is time to clean it up.

I weigh in weekly on Tuesdays.  I plan to hire a personal trainer in September. I will do my absolute best to keep you updated weekly. Positive energy, good vibes, prayers and word of encouragement are greatly appreciated.

Loced Lawyer Rant #1

March 21, 2011 § 2 Comments

They represent my struggle. They represent my strength. ~Me

Law school sucks! Sorry, there is just no other way to put it. What makes it suck more is when your freedom of expression (i.e. individuality) is hampered as a result. Of course, now that I am a lawyer practicing in Fayetteville, NC, I understand that my alma mata, in voicing concern with my stylistic choices, was simply trying to prepare me for what I would face in the real world.  So what is the faux pas freedom of expression I’ve engaged in . . .
 
I HAVE LOCS! Some of you may know them as “Dreadlocks.”   Screw that! There is absolutely nothing dreadful about my hair.  Hence, the shortening of my choice of hair style to just locs.
 
I came into law school with natural hair. That is, I did not use chemicals to alter the texture of my hair.  Most of the time, I wore an afro. Sometimes I would wear braids or twist.  During my second year, I decided to embrace the tight coils that my hair often created on its own. One of the first comments I received when declaring that I was locing my hair (because in my early stages of locing, it just looked like I had twist), was whether I was considering a career at a firm.  Well, truth be told, I wasn’t, but even if I was, if a firm is unwilling to hire me because of the grade, texture and stylistic choices I make with my hair, then I am unwilling to work there!
 
Making the decision to loc is not easy.  When most folks think of locs, they think of a chain such as this . . . Bob Marley, pot, rebel, Rastafarian, slacker, etc.  Well, as much as I enjoy Bob Marley, and consider myself a bit of a rebel, I am not a pothead, and I am a Christian.  I am also . . . (DUN, DUN, DUN) a lawyer.  That’s right, people who wear locs are successful business types with expensive ass degrees from private schools.
 
There are 0, count it 0 other attorneys in this city with locs.  The word on the street is that the one guy who did have locs fell prey to the pressure and cut his off.  I refuse to conform! When I walk into court (most of the time to observe for now because we have local rules that take some getting used to) all eyes are on me.  In fact, one morning, I walked into the lawyers only area behind the courtrooms (exiting a courtroom) and was chased down by a bailiff.  “Can I help you?” he barks with his hands on his assault a black person belt.  “Excuse me?” I reply wearing WTF on my face.  “You can’t be back here if you aren’t a lawyer.”  “Well, good news for you sir! I am a lawyer. Were you going to arrest me?” I proceed to fire off questions to him in rapid succession, none of which he is able to respond to because his face is still on the floor.  He walked away, likely still in awe that I, yes, the chick with the locs, was a lawyer. FFFFFFF you and the bus you rode in on!
 
While this moment was as heartbreaking as it was entertaining, I consider it one giant leap for nappy girls everywhere.  Do not underestimate us because we make the choice not to introduce chemicals into our world.  We can run with the rest, and indeed the best of them. So the next time you see someone with locs, take off your cap of ignorance, and don’t make assumptions about them.  Each one, teach one.

I believe many Black women experience a visual oxymoron when they see long locked hair. It can’t be real because everyone knows that nappy hair doesn’t grow long enough to hang, it only grows out, as in an afro. Plus, the long hair fantasy…is all about long, straight hair or braid extensions tricked up to look like straight hair. Not locs. So when women see waist-length locs they see a comb and a dream: if they can comb it out and make it straight, they can get to the promised land.” ~Lonnice Brittenum Bonner

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